Ode to Joy

Sometimes I have moments where I just sit in awe. I'm paralyzed by gratitude because I don't know what to do with the happiness that has been given to me. Again and again I'm in wonder because I don't deserve to be this happy...but I am. And I've come to learn that happiness is a gift--and when you are given that gift you say "thank you."

I shouldn't be happy. A month ago I broke up with one of the best people I've ever known. And yet I feel a peace that doesn't come from me. I don't feel it all the time--and when I get caught up in my own selfishness I still get angry at the God who loves me most. "And yet [He is] there." I don't know why He is so good to me--but I intend to make his investment worth His time. I want to be so good--and I want to be good because I am loved perfectly by Him.

I've heard that we are a product of the books we read and the people we meet. So to tell you about my life right now I should really tell you about the people in my life--only then can you begin to understand who I am and what I'm about right now.

Once a week I go to my parent's house in Lehi and visit with my family. They feed me physically--usually spaghetti--but I also am fed emotionally. They always let me talk--and if you know me at all you know I always have a lot to say. My dad is an especially good listener--he's always asking about my life and gives the approval that I so need to hear. I feel validated and valued in his eyes. He told me once that his children are his greatest investments and I have always tried to live up to that. Mom is always fun to talk to and is willing to listen to me talk for hours about my hopes and frustrations with the quest for companionship. She always tells me things are going to work out...and even though I know she's my mom and that's what mom's say...I believe her.
Buddy, Lance, Kelly, Maggie, Sara, and Brooke make the picture at home complete. I can't help but get excited whenever I get a chance to see them. They are so full of life and I love them so much. I want to know what's going on in their lives and what they think and feel about things. I love that they listen to me too--they make me feel accepted and interesting. I love them.

My roommates are great. Each of them are so kind and friendly, and although we don't get a chance to talk a lot it's good to know that they're there. Melanie is especially good at making me feel loved and appreciated. She's been my Friday night buddy--making sure that I stay busy instead of sitting around thinking about my break-up. One night I came home crying and she insisted that we go to the store and get some chocolate. :o) Everyone needs a Melanie.

From 8 to 5 I work with an incredible HR team at Fairchild Semiconductor. Rhonda is my supervisor and she is so much fun to work with and for. Sara is patient at training me in my new position and sometimes takes me on errands with her over lunch--I really need those trips sometimes and it's always good to talk to her. Angie is a great example of someone who has really done something with her life--she is so impressive and fun. Yvette is such a great boss--I think the world of her and am really grateful for her laid back approach in the office. She's a hard worker who leads by example.

Three nights a week I teach at an ESL school. The staff are phenomenal and constantly tell me how much they appreciate me. The students are wonderful...they just glow and I want so badly to teach them how to communicate effectively. They are patient with me despite my weaknesses and try not to laugh when I try to pronounce some Spanish vocab.

My ward has been so great. There are people that really make me smile with delight every time I see them. Patricia, Cami, Valerie, and Tiffany are just a few of these fantastic people. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such angels.

Speaking of angels, Tiffany Smithee, Jackie Mejomie, Nate Tyler, and others have given me calls just when I needed them. Words cannot express how grateful I have been for their timely calls. They don't know it--but they are the answers to my prayers.

In short, I have been blessed. Life is so good--and it's good because there is a God who loves me more than I deserve. Good friends make life wonderful. The scriptures say that men are that they might have joy. In my humble opinion joy means "to be loved." And despite myself...I am.