Singularity [July 26]

On a matter of principal I don’t bring up boys…as they apply to me…on this medium. I figure that my feelings regarding the other sex are private and can be kept in good old fashioned paper journal. However, there are times when some topics need to be discussed via open forum. Call it emotional exhibitionism—you can look the other way—sometimes we just need to publish our desires, delights, and frustrations. This is just such an entry—very probably the only one of it’s kind. I’ve asked other single friends to pitch in their two cents. Tonight’s topic is being single.


Ask Melanie column

Dear Melanie,

I am a newlywed and out of my group of friends I’m the first one to get married. Things are obviously going to be different now and I want to be sensitive to my single friends. What advice do you have?

-Newlywed

Dear Newlywed,

I think that the fact that you’re asking how to be sensitive is the first step. Acknowledging that things will be different is important and there are some things that you can do to make your single friends more comfortable around you.

1. Be sensitive but not overly sensitive. You can talk about being married but don’t talk about it all the time. It does not need to be brought into every conversation.
2. Do not show excessive public displays of affection. When you’re in front of your friends you can hold hands and cuddle during a movie but please please do not make out. You can make out when you’re alone.
3. Change your facebook profile picture after you’ve been married for a year.
4. When talking to your friends about your significant other, use their name! If you’re talking to your friends chances are they’ve met your significant other and they’re probably friends with them too. With that in mind, use their name! All your friends know you’re excited to be married, you don’t need to broadcast it in all your conversations.
5. Don’t assume that your single friends are miserable. Just because you’re happy and married doesn’t mean that those who aren’t married are unhappy and need you to set them up.
6. Keep in touch! So many people get married and fall off the face of the earth. Your single friends will obviously keep their distance for a little while because you are a newlywed. Call your friends! Make the effort! Let your friends know that even though you are married you still want to be friends and you’re willing to put time into your relationship. A lot of times all your friends need is a phone call.

Well, newlywed, I hope that that helps. Good luck!

-Melanie


Dear Melanie,

I have had my heart broken so many times. I’m tired of doing this. I’m never going to get married! What can I do?

-Lonely heart

Dear lonely heart,

Having your heart broken is no fun. However, it is not the end of the world! There are things that you can do while waiting for the right person for you.

1. Realize that you can be happy and single. Whining about your singlehood is not going to make it better. If you’re unhappy when you’re single then when you are in a relationship your happiness will be based on how well the relationship is going. So make the effort to be happy.
2. Have a good group of friends. These friends will be there for you and will go out and play with you. Friends are there for you through thick and thin and can be an excellent support system.
3. Do things with your friends! Go on trips! Plan to do things that you’ve always wanted to do. You’re single! You don’t have to answer to anyone right now so live it up! Do things for you!
4. Focus on what you do have. Focus on how you have great friends, family or a great career. Think about how well things are going in your life and you’ll find yourself surrounded by good things.
5. Take risks. Even though you have had your heart broken it is still important for you to take risks. Go on dates. This will be really hard and will take time to do but it will be very beneficial for you.
6. Plan your future. Plan a career. Make sure that you plan for the ‘just in case’ you don’t get married. Don’t settle for a job that you hate in hopes that you’ll someday be married and not need it anymore. Find a career that you love and pursue it!

I hope this helps lonely heart. Good luck!

-Melanie



5 Reasons I'm still single

I'm still single because I am way too picky. If I'm going to be with someone forever I think I have the right to be! :)
I'm still single because I hate letting people spend money on me if I don't think I'm interested.
I'm still single because still believe in fairy tales and I haven't met Prince Charming.
I'm still single because I'm only 20..haha I've got to live it up for a little while.
I'm still single because I compare every guy to my dad and my brother.
- Morgan Jones


Dating in Utah a Social Phenomenon

Scientists will attempt for years to come to determine how a group of people so bent on getting married decrease the chance of LETTING it happen or any even just a simple relationship by their over concern and lack of position action. Take the same socioeconomic and religious demographics out side of Utah (or it’s extensions) and it’s noted quite the opposite is the reality. Three reasons have explored and believed to be the origins of this strange and counter intuitive social happening. They are:

1. Bigger and better. There’s always something shinier in the pond. In Utah young adults have an abundant opportunity for dating so abundant that it hinders the productive. With the population of young single adults growing rapidly the chances of a guy being interested in a girl who’s interested in a different guy who’s interested in a different girl becomes the norm, and then if the guy gets the girls attention either one of them will quickly see the new shiny opportunity and forget said guy. This leads into the second reason.
2. Short Attention spans. With so many shiny new things swimming to the left, right, top and bottom the attention spans becomes very short and an increase in difficulty to get to know the real individual is lost. Keeping most in the shallow waters of the pond where only shallow interests and desires and visible. Outside of Utah individuals have less opportunity and fewer distractions and dive deeper together getting to know who they each really are and increase the chance of making a stronger connection. Followed by an affinitive and distinct claim for the interested individuals. Whereas in Utah often the case is found to shy away from commitment for the thought there’s something else shiny over there I want to check that out too, and keep this one on the line.
3. Finally a potentially fatal mistake in any pond for those seeking companionship is the inability to show interest and then proper levels of affection. Interest must be shown by both individuals. Men are normally the first to show this interest by getting a number or date. This can be a tough thing especially if there is genuine interest and in other places women respond with positive enforcement to continue and urge further interaction and interest. When a negative response is given women from other location that are interested will give positive re-enforcement to keep the opportunity open. Often women of Utah forget this important step and wonder why nothing happened.
-Justin Rae

Perfect Love Casteth Out All Fear
I am sincerely grateful for the comments and insights of those who participated in tonight’s entry. I have had a very introspective weekend, looking forward to this posting. My comments will be short. There is just one thought I want to share.
If I were given a time machine, and went back to some of my previous dating experiences I would do some things a little differently. The most important thing that I have learned regarding dating this past year is that love is experiencing joy through another person. When we help someone to feel respected, appreciated, accepted, and adored then we cannot help but feel lifted ourselves.
Experience is a powerful teacher, and it can teach us to be more afraid—or to be afraid of fear. Certainly there is a balance in all things. But if I’m going to die from a broken heart I want it to be from loving too much. I don’t want to be afraid of loving someone more than they love me—I just want to be afraid of not loving someone as much as I know they deserve. I just want to be better. I think we all do. Good things are ahead!
-Nikki Nelson