Coming to Myself [July 7]

In the Savior's parable, the Prodigal Son, there came a moment when the boy decided to go home to his father. At this point of decision the Savior explains that the boy "came to himself." I have had many moments that I feel could be described in that way--I had one of those moments today.

After work I met up with Anna Kitchens Caul, a friend from our teenage days in Virginia. It had been four years since we had taken a trip to Las Vegas with our friend Katie Kelley--giggling and dreaming the whole trip. Now both of them are married and Katie is a mom. As we visited we talked about life, big decisions, and how things turn out differently than we had planned for us and our friends.

As we talked I was reminded of the rapids that I had experienced this past week. In a couple of places those rapids seemed larger than life, but later, as I watched from the shore during my friends' next run, I was surprised with how much smaller they seemed. It made me think a lot about perspective. I don't know which perspective was more correct--both of them were reality. I often think that what makes God the Omnipotent Being that He is, is His ability to see the big picture. I still think that is true. But I'm also starting to realize that it is also His ability to see the rapids of life through our perspective that makes Him not only an all-knowing being, but also a merciful one. He is there for us through our moments of terror, our momements of elation, and even for scenic momements inbetween--when we aren't calling for help or saying thank you. I don't know how He does it--and I don't think I completely understand why--but He loves us. A lot. And when I think about that, really think about it, all I can do is say thank you--and pray that He will never stop.

After having a wonderful visit with Anna, I went to institute to learn about the Book of Revelation. It was an awesome class. I think the biggest take away for me tonight was that if we look at the scriptures with our "temple eyes" then we will see the temple interwoven throughout them. After stating this the teacher proceeded to point out many cases where it was true. I loved it.

It was on the drive between institute and Studio 600 (free country dancing night) that it happened. I can't explain how or why, but it did happen. I "came to myself." I felt at peace with myself; a sense of control and composure that I had missed--but hadn't realized was gone. It was like I was relaxing after being tense. We all have things that we stuggle with. We all have things we have to break free from--and tonight I was liberated. I realized that I was choosing to be stressed about life--work, money, planning for the future, and my own inadequacies--and I was letting my fear overtake my life. I feel at home in myself again--at home in my skin. Tonight I came to myself--and like the Prodigal Son I found that Someone was waiting for me all along.